


On Again Tonight

by Zetal (Rodinia)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Blow Jobs, Insecurity, Interrupted Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 06:44:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9060139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rodinia/pseuds/Zetal
Summary: Sam and Castiel have been together off and on for several years.  They're currently off.  Sam doesn't understand why, but he respects Castiel's space.  He did not expect the explanation Castiel gave when he came to talk.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a gift for a Sastiel Gift Exchange.
> 
> 2\. Sam and Cas are together, but Castiel hasn't understood the principle of sex just yet. So he and Sam have a talk about it, and Cas starts to understand why human do this strange thing he hasn't needed in millenia. (Can be smut, but only fluff and talking is absolutely fine depending on what you want)
> 
> Crossposted to my tumblr @rodiniaorzetalthepenquin.

Sam was not, normally, one to watch porn. Porn was Dean’s thing, not his. Since the Cage, Sam hadn’t really had much interest in sex. It was just fine with him that his on-again, off-again relationship with Cas didn’t involve sex even when they were so on that Dean did his best not to be around them, declaring them “nauseatingly cute”.

He and Cas were off right now. Sam didn’t know why Cas had flipped the switch a month ago. Usually, it was predictable.

They’d gotten together during the Apocalypse, after Cas kept Sam alive through his detox. Things between them were slow, cautious, but they were both very happy together. Watching Cas blow himself up was hard, but not nearly as hard as finding out Cas had survived only to tell him he was planning on jumping into the cage.

Thinking about his time soulless was best not done. When Sam got his soul back, one of the first things he did was call Cas to try to rekindle things. Cas had seemed to be happy to get back together, but he was never around, and they’d broken up when Sam and Dean learned that he’d been working with Crowley. Then Cas died, and Sam had almost given up on Cas ever coming back when Dean found him and brought him in to heal Sam.

Cas had wanted to get back together then, but it didn’t feel right to Sam, not with Cas’s struggles with mental health. Then Cas was gone again, in Purgatory, and Sam just… drifted until he hit a dog.

He was examining the dog when the dog’s injuries miraculously healed. Sam looked up to see Castiel in front of him. “I can’t stay long, Sam. I just need to ask you something.”

“What is it, Cas? Why can’t you stay?”

“I can’t stay because I need to go get your brother. It took me a while to recover myself enough to have the clarity to escape Purgatory, but now I can get Dean out of there.” Castiel reached out to pet the dog. “I’m questioning whether I should leave when I get Dean out. After all I’ve done, to Heaven, to you, staying in Purgatory seems like an appropriate penance.”

Sam stood up in shock. “What? No! What good does it do anyone for you to disappear? The best penance is helping to clean up your mess, and there’s plenty to be done there. You don’t even need to do penance for what you did to me, you’re already forgiven. Come back with Dean.”

The month or so after that is when Dean declared them nauseating. They broke up when Cas went back to Heaven for judgment, got back together a few weeks later when Cas returned. And then, three weeks ago, Castiel had called things off again, with no explanation but needing some time to think.

So it’s not like Sam’s random impulse to watch some gay porn in his room in the Bunker had anything to do with Castiel, really. Ignore the fact that one of the actors looked a little like Cas. Really, that’s not even what Cas looks like, it’s just a form he’s using so he doesn’t blind or kill his human friends. The other guy’s gruff, deep voice, well, again, it’s not like the voice he associated with Cas was actually Cas’s.

He’d waited until Dean was gone, off to a bar and probably not coming home. The knock on the door, therefore, was a surprise. He opened the door. “Cas? What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to speak with you. If this is a bad time, pray for me when it’s more convenient.”

“No, now’s good, come on in.” If Sam had remembered the porn was just paused, not off, he might have asked for a minute or two. Instead, he turned a bright red when he saw Castiel staring at it. “Sorry, I’ll just…”

Castiel caught Sam’s arm as he reached for the remote. “Wait. It’s… relevant.”

“Um, okay.” Sam sat back down on his bed. If a guy with his tongue up another guy’s ass was relevant, Sam was pretty sure he’d need to be sitting down.

Castiel sat beside him. “I know that you were never truly satisfied with my explanation for why I broke up with you, this last time,” Castiel started. “I’m sorry for that. I needed to make some choices, and I didn’t know how long it would take me to do that. Not all of them involved you, but some of them did.”

“Choices like what?”

“Naomi has concerns about my relationship with you.”

Sam nodded and bit his lip. “If being with me is going to cause problems for you upstairs, then I get it. Are we talking about you’re leaving entirely, or just that things are over for good and I should try to move on?”

“Neither, I hope.” Cas smiled gently and reached for Sam’s hand. “Please stop assuming the worst of yourself. Naomi has concerns. It’s not you specifically. Naomi was always a believer in actions over prophecies, and your actions have proved you to be human. Mistakes included.” Sam chuckled. “Historically relationships between humans and angels end up causing problems. There hasn’t been an actual relationship for thousands of years, although I’m sure you’re aware of Gabriel’s activities.”

Sam made a face, remembering the last message from Gabriel. He was a little too aware of Gabriel’s activities. “Okay, so how do we avoid them? I don’t want to get you in trouble.”

“For the most part, they’re taken care of. I’m already dedicated to doing all I can for Heaven, so being with you isn’t going to cause me to neglect my duties, and as long as no one starts another Apocalypse or civil war it’s unlikely that Heaven will start interfering with Earth again. Naomi is of the opinion that we’ve got enough of a mess in Heaven that ignoring Earth until we’ve sorted ourselves out is the best policy. Me working with you and Dean is an exception, because of the friendship the three of us have already established.”

“That’s good. So what are the problems that aren’t taken care of?”

“It may be. This is more of a hypothetical problem. It was when I started trying to figure out how to have this conversation that Naomi demanded to meet with me about things.” Castiel glanced over to the TV. “Romantic relationships usually involve sex, don’t they?”

“Usually, yes, but they don’t have to. If you’re not interested, that’s okay with me.”

“I don’t know. It’s not something angels ever have much reason to think about. I wasn’t sure if you not bringing it up was that you weren’t interested, that you didn’t think I would be, or if you were denying yourself something you wanted because you somehow still see yourself as unworthy of such intimacy with an angel, even a fallen one.”

“Both of those last two. I’m sorry, Cas. I’m trying to get over it, and if you say I’m worthy then even if I don’t agree I can at least accept that you’re the one who gets the final say.”

“Good. I was a bit concerned about my vessel, but…”

“Your vessel’s fine. Great.”

“Good. Then Naomi’s other concern is irrelevant and if you’ll take me back I can return to you.”

“What was her other concern?”

“Nephilim.”

Sam was blank for a moment until the lore came back to him. “Oh, yeah. That’s forbidden, right? So Naomi was worried that I’d make you switch to a female vessel so we could have sex, and we’d accidentally have a baby?”

“Something like that.”

Sam shook his head. “Wow. No. I’m not making you switch vessels and if you brought it up I’d have tried to talk you out of it. So… you are interested?”

“I’m curious, at least. I’m willing to give it a chance and see if I like it. If you’re interested.”

“I’m interested. And, look, this may be kind of sudden, but Dean’s gone for the night, so…”

“One could argue that this is not sudden at all. We’ve been together for over a year, if you only count the time we were together. Several years if you count the various breaks.”

“Fair enough.” Sam got to his feet, not even bothering to hide the stupid grin that he knew must be on his face. “Okay. This is very important. With a human, I’m usually pretty good at telling when they’re into something or not, but I don’t always pick up on your cues. Talk to me. Tell me what you like and what you don’t like. I’ll do the same for you.”

“Okay.”

Kissing was comfortable ground for them. Sam was already practically naked for him, in sweatpants and a T-shirt, but Castiel was extremely overdressed for the occasion. He’d only seen Cas semi-shirtless once, and he cracked up a little. Off Castiel’s curious head tilt, he explained, “Last time we did anything like this, you nearly killed yourself. Please don’t do that again.”

“Is that not typically part of removing one’s clothing? I suppose I won’t need my blade then.”

“Not tonight.” Castiel narrowed his eyes, and Sam hastened to reassure him. “If you like this enough to keep exploring, some people get off on knife play. I wouldn’t mind, but not this time.”

“I see.”

Once the last of their clothing had fallen to the floor, Sam pulled Castiel down beside him on the bed. “Is there anything specific you want to try? Or not try? I mean, you know the basics, right?”

“Very generally. And entirely theoretically. I’m a bit concerned that I’ll hurt you if I try to fuck you, out of ignorance.”

“Not like you couldn’t heal me up. I could talk you through it if you want to, but I’d rather save it for a time when you’ve built up a little confidence.”

“I’d prefer to wait.” Castiel thought for a moment, while Sam doodled aimlessly on Cas’s chest with his fingers. “Blow me.”

“Hmm?”

“Everything else I’ve ever seen you do with your mouth has been amazing. So that’s what I’d like to try first.”

Sam cracked up. “Fair enough.”

The longer Sam worked, the more appreciative and incoherent Castiel’s commentary became. When Sam thought Castiel was close, he pulled off. Castiel looked at him. “Is that it?”

“No, not yet. Just wanted to ask if you had a preference for coming on my face or in my mouth.”

“Oh. Um, no, I don’t. Whichever you’d prefer is fine.”

It didn’t take Sam long to finish Cas off. He chose to pull back so he could watch Cas’s face, and it was worth it. “So? Less disappointed now?”

“I think I see why humans enjoy this so much.” Castiel reached out to wave a hand over Sam’s face, cleaning him off. “Your turn?”

“Yeah. If you want, you can do the same thing, or I could fuck you. Whatever you want’s fine with me.”

“Don’t you need supplies for fucking?”

“I’m pretty sure I could steal some from Dean. I know he’s got condoms, not so sure about lube.”

“Sam, I’m an angel. We’ve already established that there’s no possibility of pregnancy, and even if you had something to give me I would just cure it immediately. You don’t. I don’t think we need a condom.”

“Fair enough. I’ll go check. Don’t go anywhere.”

Sam came back empty-handed. “Either Dean doesn’t have any or he took it with him. Hard to say. He always does like to be prepared.”

“Well, that’s okay. We can get some for next time.” Castiel pulled Sam back into the bed. “Thank you. I always wondered why this was such a big deal to you humans. Please forgive me if I’m terrible, I’ve never done this before. I did have a good example set for me, but by the end I wasn’t exactly processing much.”

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe there's hope that one day, if I'm good, Santa might bring me the ability to write proper smut instead of kind of writing around it like I did here for Christmas next year?


End file.
